they pay to kiss your feet

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know. then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

a sign?

i was supposed to get inked today. at 11:00.

i went in yesterday to see the artwork. and the artist had nothing to show me yet. said he'd be working on it till late that night. i was disappointed, but was all, "okay cool, see you tomorrow."

at 6:45 last night i got a voice mail from the receptionist at the studio. said the artist had to go out of town on a family emergency and that i'd have to reschedule. um, bummer.

so today i call to reschedule and the next time i can get in is in JANUARY.

i mean, i've already been waiting forever to get this done, so what's one more month. but i wonder if he really had a family emergency or if he didn't have his "poop" together enough for my appointment today.


Friday, November 28, 2008

gobble, gobble.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

dreaming of the needle.

last night, i had a tattoo nightmare. in it, i arrived at the tattoo place to see the design the artist has been working on for me for a month. it looked like a really bad print ad with an entire paragraph of script written in terrible cursive, a faded old-western town in one corner and a lifestyle shot of a mother and daughter in the other corner. it was all in sepia tones and it was hideous. for some reason, in my dream, i took my mom with me to get the tattoo. she took a look at the art and said, "it looks great to me." i grabbed it from her and said, "um, this isn't exactly what i had in mind."

so instead, i ended up getting a string of flowers beginning on the top of my middle finger with a tiny rose and exploding all the way up and around my arm into lilies and gerber daisies and sunflowers and then becoming a half sleeve where reds and yellows and blues and greens were filled in until it ended all the way up my neck to that place right behind my ear where a single rose with thorns was placed.

while i was getting "inked" the tattoo artist was 'testing my skin' and he was using the needle in this very aggressive manor and saying, "this should really be hurting now, are you sure you can't feel it?" and i was like, "no, i feel nothing."

and that's when i decided that i was meant to get this tattoo. because if i hadn't, i would never have known that i had this strange disorder where my skin couldn't feel the needle piercing. not only could i now be on "medical incredible" and other similar shoes on the learning channel, i also now had a new mission in life -- to become painted. the illustrated lady, if you will.

and then, i woke up.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

the randomness that is my head.

i think it's funny that blogger is now advertising that you can create your FREE blog. because it's FREE. seriously? in the U.S. alone a new blog is created every minute. so uh, not thinking the demand is going down at all.

i'm really excited for thanksgiving. like beyond words excited. i'm ready to wake up early, make green bean casserole and feta dip, watch some of the parade, dress warmly and head over to my sister's with B in tow. i'm ready to see my brother and sister-in-law, drink wine, eat too much and take our traditional post-dinner walk. i'm even thinking about breaking out my holiday decorations. last year's thanksgiving was bitter sweet for me in so many ways. this year will be so much better and more full of love and life.

did anyone else notice that the sound mixing on the AMAs seemed really bad? coldplay sounded terrible compared with how they sounded when i beheld their glory at the sprint center.

i'm getting my tattoo saturday. i have my appointment card pinned to my cube to the left of my computer, so i see it all the time. and i'm getting very nervous about the pain. and wondering how i'll sit through three hours. and hoping i don't pass out.

i've been eating lower carbs for over two months. and my doctor even told me my diet was very healthy. hells yeah. anyway, i've gotten back down to my pre-medication weight, and with this boot camp gym class, i'm feeling better than ever. i've even cut way down on my running. this feels very balanced and good.

Monday, November 24, 2008

the recipe.

not that any of you were banging down my door to get it, but here it is.

pensive's chipotle, bacon chili

1/4 lb. thick cut hickory smoked bacon, roughly cut
1 large yellow onion, diced
2 fresh jalapeno peppers, diced
1 sweet habanero, finely cut
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 lb. ground buffalo
1/2 lb. ground pork
2/3 can of chipotle peppers in adobo sauce
2 large cans whole stewed tomatoes, drained
one can chili beans, drained
salt to taste
1/3 package william's chili seasoning
3 table spoons olive oil

place olive oil at bottom of large soup pan
saute garlic, onion and bacon until bacon begins to crisp
add jalapeno, habanero and cook for about a minute
add pork, buffalo and salt
cook until meat is browned
add william's chili seasoning
add tomatoes, chipotle and beans
stir and taste
adjust with salt

simmer on low with the lid off for three hours.

top with shredded cheddar cheese and sour cream

Sunday, November 23, 2008

just sayin'.

you should have had my chipotle, bacon chili. because it was amazing.

Friday, November 21, 2008

next week, i'm getting inked. this is why.

MixwitMixwit make a mixtapeMixwit mixtapes

Thursday, November 20, 2008

today's mix

MixwitMixwit make a mixtapeMixwit mixtapes

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


um pixi by petra for target is like the best. thing. ever. (it's makeup.)

also, i'm watching house hunters international. first was hawaii, which isn't international. and now is buenos aires. you can get a 1450 square foot condo there for 155,000 u.s. dollars. hells yes. only, i speak spanish at a freshman in high school level. simply, i know hola and adios.

why can't real estate in france be as cheap? i once was fluent in french, you know.

and now onto food. mushu chicken from red dragon house is really good. mushu chicken from china king on 75th and metcalf is not so good. i had the first on monday...and then on tuesday. today, i had the china king. um, disappointing.

i was at 75th and metcalf because i had to go to CVS. can we say bladder infection? yuck. it's like the IC but worse. hello, antibiotics.

and in closing, i am highly anticipating thanksgiving. can't wait.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

this evening.

i am watching a show on TLC about "real wolf children." at the same time, kolby has claimed his favorite spot - my lap. and while this makes it difficult to type, it's so worth it. he on my lap provides this comfort that i can't explain. i'm so blessed that i found him. i bet he and gus would be fast friends. but they'd have to fight over my lap.

this year, my birthday only rivalled one other year -- last year. i was made to feel so special, so loved and blessed and cherished. it's really amazing when someone else can make you feel this way...the way that, i think, everyone longs to feel. sigh.

i mean, i got some great gifts. but the most important thing to me...the thing i'll cherish...was the devotion of time and love and kindness. the thought behind the gifts. the thought behind the love and the day and anyway, i was glowing.

here's to many more.

Monday, November 17, 2008


this is what was in the bag.

i'm in love with it. it's not even warm but i will layer and layer under it if i have to because it is just so perfect.

speaking of perfect, you must eat at justus drugstore in smithville. it was easily the best meal i've had in kansas city. and for the quality, very well priced.

and if you get the chance, see coldplay live. amazing.

Friday, November 14, 2008

me, at 29.

um, my new favorite thing is inside that bag.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

my last day of being 28.

deep breath. exhale. ah.
tomorrow, i turn 29. my last year in my 20s.

today, i'm still 28. sitting at my desk at work. drinking coffee. writing stuff. thinking about bunny suits (don't ask.) coming up with ideas and executions and headlines that should be award-winning but might not be because i'm tired.

tonight, i see coldplay. i'm excited!
and last night, b gave me one of my presents early. a new digital camera. it's so cute and little that it can fit in my purse. and it's way better than my dinosaur digital. way. better.

anyway, here's to the last day of 28.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

i'm officially an idiot: part 2.

the scene: petco over the lunch hour. crowded as all hell. only one cashier.

i'm standing in line grasping a huge bag of dog food, a pet hair lint brush and a box of dog treats behind four people.

when it's finally my turn, the cashier asks me if i have a petco card. i said, "i don't know." because, i really don't know. the woman behind me let me use hers. i saved $7.50.

then came time to pay. i had him break a $100. he owed me 59.52 in change but had no ones or tens. and so, i said, "i'll just give you eight cents and then you'll owe me $60."

he goes, "are you sure?"

and i was like, "YES 52 plus 8 is 60. so you owe me sixty dollar."

see, sometimes, i forget that there are 100 pennies in a dollar and not 60. i mean, never in REAL life do i forget. only in high-pressure situations where i'm trying to do math in my head and i confuse dollars with minutes. i mean, there are 60 minutes in a complete hour.

anyway, eventually the cashier believes me. i hand him 8 cents and he hands me $60. and as i walk out of the store, i realize my mistake. and am mortified. (there was a long line behind me, too.)

Monday, November 10, 2008

it's official.

i'm an idiot.

i'm eating a dum dum and i noticed the wrapper says, "save wraps for stuff."

and i have this internal dialogue about how, sure, i'm green and all, but what in the world could you re-use a dum dum wrapper for.

and then i realize it's part of a promotion. save wraps for winning stuff...send them in, get stuff.

uh, and i'm in advertising?

Friday, November 07, 2008

the truth.

did you know that until um, maybe a few months ago, i really thought i'd be happier if i was blonde? i know, crazy right?

i think i thought that if i was blonde i'd also be tan and have bigger boobs and have more stylish clothes and a cooler car and a larger house. maybe even a couple of babies, a picket fence and a shitzuh.

but have you ever checked out my eyebrows? black as night. which looks great with blonde hair, by the way. and my skin is fair. like snow white fair. i look funny tan. i burn instead. and i don't have a picket fence or a baby on each hip. and i'm okay with it.

and even though i flirt with the idea of becoming a redhead, it's not because i think it will transform me into something i'm not. it's more because it would just fit who i am.

and for me, that's a big deal.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

warning: long, political and religious rant.

as i walked to my car this morning, the sun was shining and the weather was just about perfect despite the fact that it was raining, which came from a tiny portion of the sky that was dark. but the contrast between dark and light was linked by a brilliant rainbow. i stood beneath my bright yellow umbrella and gazed at it. and it filled me with such peace. did you see it?

i've kept quiet during this election. now's my time to talk. i am appalled at the way that so many christians are thinking and acting and pushing. i have never seen a campaign run with such fear. i've seen fear mongering tactics rise up during campaigning and i've seen religious friends of mine live in the fear of McCain not winning...and now that he hasn't, i've seen this overwhelming fear that the world is going to hell.


remember in the bible where god says that we are not supposed to fear? and that fear does not come from him? what does that say about the republican tactic of using obama's middle name when they referred to him, and sarah palin's allocations that he pals around with terrorists? the party's constant reliance on perpetuating fear and using it to manipulate people into a vote.

as the weeks to election day grew fewer, i received several emails from christians asking me to pray about my decision on who i'm voting for. some sent prophecy...saying that if obama is elected, nothing good would come of it. yesterday, i received an "urgent" prayer chain request asking me to pray that the person who god wants to be president would win. i can pray for that. but then, the prayer email went on to specifically mention McCain. asking god to put favor in the hearts of americans so that they would vote for the republican ticket. seriously? that's not how god works. that's a prayer with an agenda. it's not about caring what god wants. it's about caring what you think god wants.

do people REALLY think that the reason obama won is because christians just didn't pray hard enough? or that people didn't really listen to who god wanted them to vote for? i know that god is in control of this world and that what happened is what he wanted to happen...what he knew would happen. it's all part of his plan, see.

does god really want four more years of war-lording, fear, and economic crisis? what DOES god want for america? and who WHO can stand up and say that they have heard directly from god and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that he wanted McCain. could people who strongly supported bush for religious reasons stand up today and say they made the right decision voting for him? i can't.

i am a christian. and i voted for obama. my reasons are many. and guess what, i'm pro life. i'm a pro life christian who voted for obama. and i am proud of my vote. i don't believe that government can successfully legislate morality. it just doesn't work. of course, they can make it harder for people to get abortions, but people still will. they can make it illegal for same sex couples to marry, but that won't change the fact that those couples are in love and plan to spend their entire life together.

see,the next four years is so much bigger than a woman's right to choose or a stance on gay marriage. it's about hope and future and picking this country back up, piece by piece, and putting it together again. it's about standing behind a president who "gets" america. it's about seeing why this god-forsaken war in iraq has gone on long enough. it's about realizing where threats lie and where they do not. it's about unity and not division.

"And God said, this is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. " Genesis 1: 12-15

god is so much bigger than this election.

a local pastor said the following, which i think is helpful:

I think what many Christians are starting to realize/discover/struggle with is that there is not one expression of Christianity. Theologically, that is not the case and certainly politically it cannot be the case. As evangelicals, we've been given a recent narrative that defines the parameters for us narrowly. From that standpoint, the shock value of discovering that Christians with deep and thoughtful convictions vote differently than ourselves is necessary and important.

we grow in our faith when we are pushed and challenged and pulled. we grow when we look deep inside ourselves to figure out what we believe matters to jesus. we grow when we are wrong. we grow when we are right. and we must cast each vote with fear and trembling (of god.) no matter who we vote for. we must revere god in such a way that we should feel that we've made the best decision in our vote. that we've come to a peace about what he wants us to do and who he wants us to vote for. but, we must, at the same time, admit our fallibility. simply, we could be wrong. and it is that very thing that makes us human.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008


yesterday, at approximately 4:20 p.m., i got violently ill. i continued to be ill violently until about 5:50 p.m. with a tiny break in that almost two hour-span of sickness in which i braved the car ride home.

for the rest of the night, the couch was my home and kolby was my lap-warmer. my body ached. my head hurt. and i was certainly dehydrated and drinking gatorade to counteract the lack o' fluid.

i woke up this morning feeling ill, still...but determined to make it through the day. i mean, i needed to be able to vote.

so i began slowly. 1/2 a cup of coffee. then a mendota sparkling water. some mixed nuts around 10, then at 12:30 this riceless gumbo i made sunday night.

all was well.

until about 4:20 today when i started to feel ill again.

so here's the question to my body. is it food poisoning? or is it a bug. or a parasite? or it my feelings about one of the presidential candidates being personified?



loving the word, "glug."

as in: Chop four eggs roughly, add a tablespoon of dijon and a glug of mayonnaise.


or we aren't friends.