I was 15, I decided that the one thing I was going to control in my life was
what I did, or did not, put in my stomach.
three years, I withered away. It happened slowly at first but then very
suddenly. Sort of the way you fall in love or asleep. One day I was a
healthy-looking teenager and the next I was a 35-pounds-lighter holocaust
was this moment when I realized my mattress was hurting me. I had just finished
eating my only meal of the day – a bag of microwaved healthy choice popcorn and
a handful of red hots. I was lying in my bed on my back making sure I could
feel all of the bones as much as I could the day before – tracing them with my
finger. I say “the” bones because at this point they didn’t really feel like
they were mine. They were just bones. And they were an annoyance to my ultimate
weight loss goal because they couldn’t lose weight. Also, my mattress was
stood up and was dizzy. I looked at myself in the mirror. I took off all of my
clothes and stood on the scale. I weighed 85 pounds. I am (and was) 5 feet 7
inches. You do the math. I was a bag of bones held together by what few muscles
were left. I was saggy, colorless skin, I was patchy hair, I was a straight-A
student who was very good at wearing loose-fitting clothes and fooling people.
I was the girl who sat at the lunch table and pretended to eat. I chewed up
pretzels and then spit them into my hand when no one was looking. I worried the
salt had too many calories.
decided to go get a bagel.
think that bagel saved my life.