they pay to kiss your feet

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know. then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

on the other side of the fence...

it has recently been apparent to me that the grass is always greener. it's true. mom was right.

i will prove this point with the following:

when i owned a home, i wanted a bigger one. i also thought renting again would be a good option.
now that i'm a renter, i'm aching to be a homeowner again. i drive by yards with budding trees and cry. for real. i cry.

when i was married, i'd wonder if being single would be more fun -- more fulfilling.
now that i am not married, i keep looking at all of these married couples with envy. and a weird sort of jealousy. like their future is somewhat certain and mine is all up in the air. and i like to have a plan. a neat little list of things to do and to cross off. i don't have one of those right now.

when i had roommates, i always wanted them to magically disappear. their stuff. their noise. their mess.
now that i don't have roommates, it's clear i'm not built for this living alone stuff. the apartment seems too big. too empty. to messy for just me. but why clean when i'm just going to mess it up again? i want a roommate.

when gus came into my life, there were times he drove me so crazy, i just needed to hand him over and go running.
now that i never see gussy, i miss him so much. sometimes when a shadow dances across the wall, out of the corner of my eye i swear it's him. i check petfinder.com every day to look for another doggy to love. but i'm not sure one will every take his place.

when i was suffering from acid reflux, it was so bad i couldn't swallow. i thought i'd rather have anything but that.
now, that's gone. but this IC nonsense is 100 times worse. so, yeah. i'd take the reflux back to give up this IC in a second.

until this year, i drove a string hondas. a 1998 cvic followed by a 1996 civic (with a brief plymouth sundance detour.) then a 2002 civic. then a 2006 element. by then, i was sick of honda's and thought a toyota sounded nicer.
now, i would trade my 2007 yaris for a 2002 civic any day.

when i had a yard, i hated yard work. despised it, even.
now, i have dreams that i'm working in a yard - only to wake up to my cement floors and high ceilings. i want a yard again.

okay, and we've come full circle.

the conclusion? i'm constantly switching sides of the fence.

5 Comments:

  • At 3:33 PM, Blogger Kat said…

    Maybe you should consider this a gift. You have, with eyes open, experienced *both* sides of the fence. There's no more wondering. You know. And with this knowledge in hand, you can pick which side of the fence you prefer. Then hold on tight to your memories of the "other side" so you'll feel confident you've made the right choice for you.

     
  • At 3:59 PM, Blogger Jason said…

    For me, I've decided that the grass on the other side is so much more green because there's so much 'fertilizer'. So I'd step over the fence and straight in to the muck. Nowadays, I've been trying to spend more time tidying up my own 'backyard' and spending time enjoying what I do have and spreading my own fertilizer. Then I hired a company to come in and fertilize for me. What was I talking about? Oh yeah. I know the feeling exactly. I wanted a better job, a bigger house, a better marriage, and to feel better about myself. What I found was that my job was just fine and I should be happy just to have one. I put a lot of work in to making my house a home, so I should just call it that: "home". And half of the problems in my marriage...were me. I don't deny that. So when I give a little...I get a little. And I don't feel better about myself, physically, but I sure the heck didn't go jogging today. Did I?

    *laugh*

    Thanks for your honest post.

    It hit home and I had to spill my own thoughts in to your comments section.

    Thank you for letting me.

     
  • At 5:03 PM, Blogger That Guy said…

    Ouch.

     
  • At 10:56 AM, Anonymous Patchchord said…

    There is something to be said for never being satisfied, always pushing ahead to be better, live better, etc. But at the core, we all have to remember that every pro has a con. It's easy to see all the cons when we take the pros for granted and it's easy to see all the pros when we haven't taken time to think about the potential cons.

     
  • At 9:19 PM, Anonymous MoxieMamaKC said…

    Wow. Your post was the exact thing I needed to read tonight. I read tarot and there is a card, the 5 of Cups which shows a woman mourning over 3 cups that have spilt so much that she can't see the other two behind her that are still full. That's been me lately and so many things in your blog rang true in me...Thank you for sharing. Thank you for reminding me that I'm not the only one that feels the way you do...

     

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