confused.

nothing
and everything
plays over in my mind
until i can no longer hear
the beats of my heart
or the tap
tap
tap
of that clock on the wall -
the one i got free when i spent too much money
on a swimming suit
that i justified because it actually fit
and covered the right places
and accented the others
and i liked the pattern
and the way the bottom was skirted -
a fashion i was glad to usher back in.

because i've never liked the way
pool apparel and i fit together
or the way i feel
all porcelain and cream
next to bronze, leathery blonds
with too much makeup
and too little fabric.

but now it's winter
and i guess things like that don't matter anyway.