living

yesterday i slept until 9. and when nick pulled me out of bed, i was still tired. with sleep in my eyes and fog in my brain, i smelled pancakes. i don't usually eat breakfast, but nick insisted. so he made me sit at the table. he fixed me a cup of coffee with two splendas and one large spoonful of creamer and, he brought it to me. i sipped it and wished we had whipped cream to put on top, but the fridge was mostly empty because i go grocery shopping on saturdays out of need. saturdays are when we look at eachother and say "there is nothing in this house to eat" and when we say it, it's true instead of an excuse to go to Pappa Kenos or to get fajitas like when we say it on a wednesday or thursday. but we did have a new box of pancake mix and some syrup and butter and nick was cooking and i was sitting and the pancakes smelled so good. when we were in college, i ate pancakes like they were going out of style. i'd eat much more than i needed or than i even wanted. my stomach would expand well beyond the comfort zone, but nick would keep making them. it was usually midnight or beyond and i'd probably eat 10 or more before i went to bed and slept it off. yesterday, he only made me one because i don't normally eat breakfast. it was thick and crispy on the edges and the butter was melting all around and the syrup was so perfectly poised on top. it looked like an art director had put it all together for a photo shoot in Saveur or Bonne Apetite. it was almost too perfect to eat. almost. i ate it fast and finished my coffee and while i was chewing, nick was doing dishes. what? dishes. yeah. and by the time i was done, the dishes were clean and drying in the strainer. and i was kind of full and uneasy from eating breakfast, because i normally don't. and the house was kind of really cold. must have been cold outside. i was ready to shower and get warm, but nick made me put on a hat and a coat and a leash on gus so that we could go on a walk. it was 24 degrees, but it felt like 16. we walked for 40 minutes, and gus loved it. we looked at all of the houses in the neighborhood next to ours that we want to buy. we said, if that one goes on the market we'll move, or i like that house but i wonder if it has a basement. a basement is a must in the next house. there is this one expanded cape cod that we kind of lust after. and nick has figured that the people who live there now are very old. and so, his theory is that soon, it will be for sale. when that day comes, he says we'll buy it. i say we won't be able to afford it and that the smaller house we like, too, with the young family living in it, could come up for sale soon as well. people don't have to die for a house to be available, i tell him. but still, his heart is set on the pale yellow cape cod with the extra family room and the picture windows and the huge yard and the flagpole. he said that he has always wanted a flagpole. i told him that we could buy a flagpole and install it at our house or at the next house and that i hadn't even noticed that the pale yellow house had a flagpole. but he has been lusting after the pole and so i told him that we would have to paint that yellow house because it is an ugly color. kind of like watered down lemonade. as we gawked at it while we walked by, we looked for signs of a basement and didn't see any.
when we got home, i had more coffee and showered and made my grocery list and went shopping. and then when i got home, i sat on the couch most of the day. it was warm in the sun on the purple couch. i felt like a cat. i watched lifetime original movies and ate rice cakes and chocolate. it was a good day.