about attitude

My attitude sucks. Lately I've been having a hard time feeling happy. But scariest of all is that I think for a day or two, I forgot my joy. The difference between happiness and joy is that the first is situational and can be easily influenced by life or motives or just a really crappy day. The second, though, is something eternal, something that lives inside of us and that is not easily take away. Happiness is temporary, but joy- true joy - is endless.

I like to remember Paul and his letter to the Phillipians when I struggle with this. The whole book is pretty insane and mostly slaps me in the face. Paul wrote it when he was in prison. First of all, the fact that he was chained for believing in jesus but that he still kept his joy and praised god for things is an outstanding lesson for me to learn. And also, in his "previous" life, Paul was like the highest of the highs as far as people are concerned. He was what everyone aspired to be. He was likely held in envy by many people. For starters, he persecuted the church and was full of zeal, and as far as righteousness goes, he was blamelss. He was of the prime stock of Israel and as concerning the law, he was a Pharisee. Basically, he was the shiznit, and still, he gladly gave it all away for the sake of his christ and he followed him with joy and passion and zeal and nothing took that away.

What am I giving away. Seriously. What is the true cause of my joy and why is it so easily erased from my mind when I am in a traffic jam or feel really tired or when my back hurts. I'd like to be able to get through one hard day at the office without feeling like I've been robbed of my joy.