they pay to kiss your feet

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know. then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

the one about the B word. (no, not brad.)

we want a baby. trouble is, i'm not a good candidate for carrying one.

so we're exploring options and things like that. this means, i'm never going to make the 'i'm pregnant' announcement. but, one day i hope to make the 'we have secured a baby' announcement. which, yes, sounds flippant. but, that's how it works.

so far we've looked into adoption but still have a few other avenues to check out before finalizing our "how."

here's the scary part about adoption: the home study.

it comes in this binder and is hugely daunting. especially the part where you have to write an autobiography of your entire life - including any dysfunction, past relationships, behavioral therapy, etc. i get it, but having to sit down to write all of that and place it in a binder that will be a determining factor on whether or not i am a good candidate to be a mother is scary.

here's the other things that sucks. if you've been divorced, a lot of adoption agencies require that you've been in your current marriage for 5 years before they will allow you to adopt.
we can't wait five years.

so our options are fewer. but maybe that's the way it is supposed to be. you never know why doors are closed to you. just like i don't know why my body decided to deny me the opportunity to do part of what it is designed to do.

but we're excited. the joy outweighs the scary. the possibility outweighs the pain.

and so, we move forward. we've given ourselves almost a year to figure it all out. and then, we'll be all-in. in the meantime, we're rearranging our house - making room for a baby. for a child that could very well be conceived tomorrow or maybe it was yesterday or last week or in a couple of months. a child that has a future of love and support as a hamilton.

i. can't. wait.


  • At 9:02 AM, Blogger Lizzie said…

    Sometimes when doors are closed for you, it makes it easier to find the right one to go through...whatever you choose, you'll learn a lot along the way.

  • At 7:05 PM, Anonymous PlazaJen said…

    <3 to you both. You have plenty of love to share, and I hope your dream comes to fruition, sooner rather than later. xo

  • At 9:52 PM, Blogger Kat said…

    As someone who is eyeing this same momentous undertaking should our last-ditch fertility efforts fail us, I can empathize.

    We have some friends who just successfully adopted their second, should you need some leads (for the first they went through a $$ agency, for their second, a simple website where birth mothers find families). As well, there's always the option of going the foster route.

    Wishing you luck, peace, and the knowledge that you have so many wishing the best for you!

  • At 11:01 AM, Blogger Faith said…

    Oh, this is so exciting! My oldest niece was adopted by a great family many, many years ago, and it proved to be a really great decision for everyone involved.

    Hence: adoption is an issue near and dear to my heart. :D

    I wish you didn't have the problems with conceiving, of course, but bless you guys a million times over for following this alternate path instead. I wish you the best of luck!!!

  • At 9:22 PM, Blogger pom. said…

    that is SO exciting and I will be sending all sorts of good vibes your way!!!

    much love.
    i'll be excited to read this journey!!

  • At 9:14 AM, Blogger Pensive Girl said…

    thanks everyone :)

    kat, i'd love to know more about that website you mentioned. do you still have my email address?

  • At 7:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You are going to rock it as a mom
    And I am going to rock it as an Aunt.
    Very Very excited Sister : )


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