they pay to kiss your feet

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know. then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Beautiful things.

I didn’t always know that I deserved to feel safe. To have an opinion without it being torn down. To say things in public without someone wondering why I didn’t run it by them first. To dress however I felt comfortable dressing. To watch whatever I felt comfortable watching. To be me. Fair-skinned and freckled. Artsy and emotional. A giver to my core. A lover of all things literature and poetry and words and music and melody. A child of God. A God who loved me just the same if I was wearing a turtleneck or a semi-deep V-neck. A God, who probably, wept for me. During nights when I felt trapped. Alone. Scared. Victimized. Like my life was drifting out of control. Like maybe, if I just cleaned the kitchen better next time or did a better job mowing the lawn, the emptiness would disappear. The ridicule. The emotional distance. The emotional smothering. The wanting me to change. To be someone else.

See, I didn’t always know that a man didn’t have to command authority over me if he didn't deserve to. And I didn’t know I could leave. Until, I did.

And I didn't realize how much God could heal. Until He did.


Four years later, I know. And my life is becoming a beautiful thing.






All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

posted by Pensive Girl @ 2:33 PM  

5 Comments:

  • At 8:34 AM, Anonymous Dana said…

    Beautiful. Your strength is inspiring.

     

  • At 9:25 PM, Blogger pom. said…

    Yes for you!

     

  • At 9:26 PM, Blogger pom. said…

    I wasn't sure how to type out that many of the women in my family have found themselves in relationships with men that treat them awful and I always wish I could help them understand that it doesn't have to be that way but..so far it's been impossible.

     

  • At 10:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I hope you're not talking about Nick, because that is not the type of person he was or is. Seeing you together, never did he treat you that way. I don't believe he would treat you that way in private either. He is a great Christian man. I think you have the roles reversed in this post. You have these people thinking you were in an abusive relationship. That is so wrong of you to imply. You seem happy with your new husband, so why can't you leave your ex out of your blog? He NEVER says anything bad about you. He has just moved on, as should you. I won't be reading your blog anymore, as it has become fantasy and not reality.

     

  • At 1:36 PM, Blogger Pensive Girl said…

    wow anon. why would i choose to lie about that? it seems he has you fooled.

    it's sad, really.

     

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