they pay to kiss your feet

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know. then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

Friday, January 18, 2008


i have a picture on my desk of me high above the sarasota skyline. strapped to a parachute. looking like a speck amid a vast, cloudy sky. if the photo was a closeup, you'd see me cringing. trying not to pass out. crying a little bit. and you'd notice my tandem talking to me. suggesting that i look around and enjoy the view. reminding me to breathe. i kept breathing and i survived. and today, i'm remembering that. because this type of day makes me wonder how i'll continue for another hour or another minute feeling the way i do. the phantom pain that doesn't seem to originate from anything. leaving me to wonder what caused it. was it something i ate? i've been so good about my diet. and it can't be stress because i've been feeling pretty relaxed. and i've been sleeping enough - too much some might say. and i've been taking the medication and reading the pamphlets and talking to people and asking questions and last night at 810 zone, i drank water. water. i didn't even have a sip of a beer or wine or gin or something that i would have liked to consume. and i didn't order finger food. and later, i found out that the cereal and pita chips i bought have ascorbic acid in them, so i decided to give them away. i've been surviving on turkey, mozzarella and wheat bread. olive oil, cucumber. some salt. and i've been listening to this play list i created. and as i start to get sucked into the emotion as damien rice croons,"i gave me away, i could have knocked off the evening, but i was lonelily looking for someone to hold. in a way i lost all i believe in..." the next song starts. and it's waterdeep. and they remind me - holy is the lord god all mighty. and for a second, everything seems okay. and this pain seems bearable. and this day seems conquerable. because heaven and earth are filled with his glory. and i need something like that to hold on to.


  • At 11:59 PM, Blogger Spyder said…

    Sounds like you are going through Desolation. Recognize it & realize that it will go away. (Ignatian Spirituality)

  • At 9:48 AM, Blogger pom. said…

    I love love love Waterdeep.
    When I was in jr high they played a show for this youth group lock-in thing and we were all like, uh who are these guys? And I made them sign my copy of "You Were at the Time for Love" and I fell head-over-heels in love with them. forever and ever amen.


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