and then, the day brings this.
yesterday, i learned it was. i finally got a diagnosis that makes sense. but it's also scary. it's several doctor's appointments a week scary. and it's prescriptions and co-pays at the tune of $500 a month scary. it's being on my own without someone to take care of me scary. it's losing my friends scary. it's becoming depressed scary. it's needing to function at work and in life scary. and, um, i'm frightened.
but, there is a light. i know there is. i started a new medication last night that is already working wonders on my symptoms. but, it makes me incredibly drowsy. (the doctor said that should go away in five days or so.) and with physical therapy and some other barbaric-seeming treatments, i have hope that i will beat this. some people deal with it their entire lives. suffering. in pain. i don't want to. not me. that is not what my life is going to turn out to be.
so, i'm going to keep up the running as long as i'm able. i'm going to stick to the nasty diet that's been recommended and i am going to try to find a way to pay for the medication and treatments without going into sever debt. because for the first time in a long time, i have a plan to stick to that can help me beat this (or at least the symptoms of it.) and even though all of the rest is scary. at least i know there is hope.