treading water

This weekend, my life changed completely. And, I’m not going to write about it here. Not now. Not yet. But the point of the change is to propel more change. And, I’m already starting to feel the wind — pushing and pulling. It’s making my hair break loose of its rubber bands, and it’s catching my skirt, ballooning it like a parachute.

And as uncomfortable as this newness is. I think I’m going to be okay.

indulging

i'm ashamed to admit that i continued cheating with the sexy gym. and, i couldn't stop. there was just something about it that drew me in - the same way a chocolate bar sitting open on a counter draws me.

i think the most appealing quality was that its hours didn't control me. i could choose. and treadmill lines didn't determine the length of my workout or the miles i would pound out on sore, battered feet. no, it had more options and anyway, i signed up.

on the dotted line.

and now, i have two gym memberships.
i can't get out of my uglier gym until december.
i am totally over indulgent in this, and this alone. but it kind of feels good.

the night and i

i don’t remember
how to sleep
through an entire night
eyes shut
fairytale dreams
occasional nightmare
unrest
nights sweat
alarm clock check
then
return to pillow
feathers
cotton flowers
ah

but not now
— this —
this is different
it’s constant
a pit
where it doesn’t belong
or feel right
it's space heaters
and dry air
it’s dark rooms
and nightlights
it’s constant trips
to the bathroom
or to the faucet
for water
quenching thirsts
that I ignore

it’s tossing
turning
changing
from flannel pants and thermal shirt
to shorts
T-shirt
strip warm socks
put on thin ones
it's adjusting pillows
constantly
it's checking the clock
twice in three minutes
and it’s sinking
this insomnia
this state of constant
struggle
to do something
as simple
as sleep.

milestones.

this was a weekend of milestones. first, gus learned to enjoy his sweater in the cold, cold midwest. (don't worry, he only had to wear it on walks, and no, it was not my idea.)

and second, super rob helped us organize/clean/throw away half of the contents of our garage (realize, we don't have a basement for storage), and for the first time EVER, we can fit a car in it.

note to self.

don't buy a youth size 13 ski jacket ever. even if it is $100 cheaper than the same coat in a woman's size. just don't buy it - no matter how cute it is or flattering or how well it seems to fit. because when you get home and try it on with more than one layer beneath it, you'll realize the reason you shouldn't buy a youth size 13 jacket. the sleeves, which are two inches too short, are also a little too tight. and the neck, which wasn't made to fit an adult neck, does not provide enough room for an essential ski fashion - the neck gator.

so next time you're tempted to buy something that might have worked 15 years ago, don't. just don't.

honey, next time, let's use our shop vac

we had a little bee problem. this is where the bees were getting in. we had used wood putty to fill the hole, but the bees found a way through. so, we called this bee keeping company.

the company representative came out to take a look. his first plan of action was to duct tape the suction end of a shop vac to our house.

there he is, explaining that the shop vac gets the bees mad and makes them come out of the hole.

once the vac had done its magic, he used a crowbar to remove the cedar shakes. go get 'em!


he put gloves on for this part because he said he could tell the bees were angry by the way they were flying. he didn't want to get stung. although, he left his bee keeper suit in the van, which made me kind of mad because the pictures would have been way cooler if he had put it on.

he found the hive here. it probably had 2,000 bees in it. and lots of larva.

he kept using that shop vac.

and there it is. the hive on the ground. and also some siding and insulation.

he put on a hoodie to protect his arms. nick suggested it.

and here is the hole in our house sans bee hive. so, for $650.00 we got rid of the bees by the professional methods of a shopvac, a crowbar and a $42 can of smoke.


i'm thinking about taking bee keeping up on a freelance basis.