the police sketch

help raise money for a reward.

help take our community back.

when: feb 6 from 2 to 5
where: kennedy's waldo

$10 gets you in the door, beer, appetizers, music AND goes toward the crimestoppers tips hotline reward for the tip leading to this jerk's arrest.

let's catch this bastard.

this weekend, there were two more violent rapes in waldo - bringing the total to 4. someone i am very close to was a victim.

until this weekend, police had no description of the attacker. now they do.

one of the weekend victims saw his face.

he is described as:
a black male
30 to 40 years old
6 feet tall
250 lbs
bald
pocks (or acne scarring) on face
smelling of smoke or exhaust with terrible breath
having a smooth, distinctive voice

the only way the police will catch him is with our help. someone had to have seen something. someone knows something. if you do, come forward. call the tips hotline. for the sake of the victims. and so that there aren't any more.

here is a link to a story about it.

like, this bright side, for example.

photo credit: amy marcus photography

processing.

i would like you all to know that i am practicing seeing bright sides. like, when i didn't realize the gas tank was on empty and i got in the car to go to an interview. that was 20 minutes away. with 25 minutes until i was expected to be there. instead of swearing, calling B to ask him why he didn't TELL me the car needed gas and freaking out, i thought, "hey, when i get gas i can run in and get gum. fresh breath equals a better chance at getting the job."

i know this is illogical, but whatever. (of course i spit the gum out before walking into the agency.)

and right now. all this fog and ugliness outside. instead of getting totally depressed, i'm all "hey, it's sorta like vacationing in seattle without spending any money."

which brings me to where i really need to find the bright side. this employment (or lack thereof) situation.

let's refresh. i lost my job in march. in the summer, i began a contract at sprint. i did that for two months. then nothing until i landed a couple freelance clients. then nothing until i landed a temporary employment gig at the agency of my dreams. which was awesome. but, has sadly, come to an end. note the primary word "temporary."

so now i'm back where i started. except i'm not. because here are the bright sides i'm forcing myself to see:
1. i am now much more connected to the advertising community here than i ever was before.
2. i have met some amazing, talented, creative people. who i will continued to stay in touch with.
3. the temporary thing could turn into a permanent thing. just not right now.
4. hey, i can start running a lot again.
5. this year has forced me to become creative in ways to sell my skills. my direct mail postcards won something at the Addys. i'm proud of this. because i did them on my own (with B as my art director.)
6. my floors (and counters and clothes and tables and windows) will all be really clean again.

still there is the overwhelming feeling of needing to have steady income, and steady co-workers and a desk in an office and work that makes me feel like my life is worth something.

which is probably where all of this thinking is wrong. life is not about what you do for a living. and anyway, yeah. trying to get there.

happy.

photo credit: amy marcus photography

home.

it's not the color of the walls
or that rug you don't know if you like.

it's not the kitchen filled with
herbs and vegetables and
lots
of
cheese.

it's not the red poster bed
or white down
or that little scrappy dog
and the stately cat.

it's not even the way that i long to take care of you
every night as i build
a sandwich out of
carefully chosen bread
and organic turkey
a smear of mustard
and some greens

no

none of those things make this my home
just you,

just you.

unconventional.

so we've been thinking. about the party. the cake. the event space rental fee. picking the right caterer. paying for the caterer. the music. the dance floor. the passed appetizers and the red and white wine at the bar. the lighting. decorations. flowers. candles. and tables and chairs. the invitations and postage stamps and the wedding website. and with all of this thinking and exploring of options and costs and budget and guest list and perfect location and day and season we've decided to decide against it.

and instead, we're having an intimate ceremony. i'm still wearing my blue shoes. but no party. no reception. none of that.

but we are planning an amazing honeymoon.

see, i've had a reception. and it was beautiful. and expensive. and, i realized, when money is tight (and it is) and when i don't have a full-time job (which i don't) doing without the expense of a reception is the way. to. go.

now breathing a huge sigh of relief.

the d word.

i'm getting married soon. i'm happy, healed and feeling whole again. which is why this is the perfect time to write about the d word. divorce.

no, not details about mine. (although there are many.) not my view on if it is biblical or righteous. (although, i have one.) i will give you no juice, no gossip and no "inside story." but i will give you something. a guide on how to behave when someone you know is going through a divorce.

alright, this is going to be an easy lesson.

acknowledge that it's happening.

that's about it. don't pretend it's not there.

don't just stop talking about the ex spouse as if they never existed.

don't judge the person going through the breakup of a marriage without knowing the entire story.

don't believe just one side.

ask questions.

offer support.

realize that going through divorce is, often, worse than going through the death of a spouse. so help the person morn the loss of a relationship that, at one time, they thought would last forever.

hold their hand.

cook for them.

buy them a drink.

see if they want to go running.

be there for them.

because if you assume someone else is being their rock, you're probably wrong.

just be the friend you always were.

see, i''ve been there. at the rock bottom of rock bottom. and i am still working on forgiving so many of the people in my life who didn't know how to behave while i was there, curled up in a ball of anxiety and unknowns.

i'm working to forgive people who thought i made the "easy choice."

divorce is not an easy choice.

in fact, in my opinion, there are many situations in which it IS a wrong choice.

but regardless of my opinion, it's a choice nonetheless. and if someone you know is leaning that way, going through those pains, hug them. tell them you love them for who they are. and that they will be okay. because they will be.

because i am.

it's freezing. ( a photo essay )

it's freezing in kansas city. since christmas eve, we've had close to 15 inches of snow. none of it has melted. today, the windchill factor makes it feel like negative 15. these icicles have taken up permanent residence on our gutter.

this is the roof of our garage. i hope it can support that much weight. it's an old garage.

this is how i have to dress INISDE the house. we have old windows, people.

b and i worked from home today because the streets were almost impassable. this is how we work from home. hot tea. hat next to hand just in case. yes, there is a space heater on the floor.

the cat spends all his time hanging out by the hot air vents.

and poor kolby is shaking all day.

so to combat the cold, i turned on the oven and made banana bread.

and i've been eying the rum all day. a little hot apple cider with a shot of that is going to be on the menu tonight - along with huddling under blankets. so stay warm, kansas city. think beach thoughts. pretend the sunshine is actually melting the snow. you know, live in a delusional dream-state like i am until spring.

10 months.

it has been 10 months since i lost my job. 10. that's almost a year for those of you who are counting. (i am.)

since then, i've had two temporary gigs. one at Sprint. and one at an actual ad agency. doing what i love to do. i've also landed a couple of independent freelance clients. one is a national not-for-profit. it gives me a few steady hours of work per week. and it's rewarding. but it's not 40 hours. there are no benefits. and anyway, it's been TEN months.

ten.

for now, i'm still at the ad agency. three days a week. for maybe a week or two more. and then, they want to continue to use me when they can. because they like me. they think i'm good. and, let me just tell you that after 10 months (if you're counting) being told you are GOOD at what you love to do feels like winning the lottery.

really.

and so i'm hanging my hat on that for now. some people. some creative directors. some colleagues...have told me i'm good.

so to them i say thank you.

and to the 1-year mark looming just around the corner i say - i hate you. because, see, i never saw this period in my life lasting that long. heck, i never saw this period in my life coming.

but it did. and i'm here. still. surviving. happy for the opportunities that have appeared since last march. and hopeful for the ones that are just around that next corner.

blue shoes.

oh, hey 2010.

i bought my wedding dress today. and i am going to go to nordstrom's very soon to buy these shoes to go with it. how cute is this idea?

i know, i can't get over how great it is.

but anyway, i watched two shows about hoarders today. i'm not a hoarder. it made me afraid that i could become one. not because i have hoarding tendencies (because i don't) but just because it would be an awful way to live, and i like to think about awful things and then get anxious about them even if they have nothing to do with me.

our church canceled services today for like the first time ever. because kansas city is sucky when it comes to snow removal. and by sucky i mean, they haven't even plowed the street next to church once. and this is like the fourth snowfall in 10 days.

speaking of that, i went running today. in 8-degree, snowy conditions. people literally laughed at me. outloud. from their porches. as they let their dogs out. i just smiled (from beneath my neck gator) and waived. i was the winner in that situation.

total miles for 2010 = 10.5 so far.

hoping to reach 1,000 by 2011. here's to that. (and to the blue shoes.)