feeling the burn for 10 years.

Jan 1, 2000 i decided to start working out. other than organized sports in grade school and a few attempts at jogging in high school, i'd never been consistent with exercise. 10 years ago, i was a sophomore in college. and i'd not only gained the freshman 15. i'd gained the freshman 20. 10 years ago i saw where that lifestyle was leading me. 20 pounds in a year and a half. it wasn't stopping on it's own. so, i stopped it.

by the begining of my junior year at MU, i'd lost most of the weight. and i'd toned up. i remember friends coming back from the summer, taking a look at me and asking, "what in the hell happened to you?"

it felt good.

and so did working out.

which is why, 10 years later, i'm still doing it.

here's to 10 more.

the year in review.

2009 has been a bittersweet year for me. let's recap.

1. i went to hawaii.
2. while i was in hawaii i got bronchitis.
3. i lost my job.
4. b & i bought a house.
5. i got a contract job at Sprint and met some great people.
6. it was a two-month contract.
7. i got depressed almost every other day because it's hard to not have a job.
8. i had more time to live.
9. so i made new friends.
10. and spent a lot of time with my niece.
11. i was also able to keep our house very clean.
12. i could not, however, afford much of anything.
13. and then my cobra subsidy ran out.
14. and i could afford even less.
15. but i did have lots of time to run.
16. so i trained for another half marathon.
17. and finished it with a new PR (personal record.)
18. then i got a temporary gig at the super-secret agency.
19. and i met some really great people.
20. and got to work on some really great projects.
21. in the meantime, i turned 30.
22. and realized that i am nowhere near where i thought i'd be after three decades of life.
23. but hey, i got engaged to my best friend.
24. and the ring he proposed to me with is beautiful.
25. we hosted our first thanksgiving.
26. it went great.
27. i drank too much wine at this event, however, due to nerves.
28. so i learned to alternate. a glass of wine. a glass of water. and so forth.
29. i am now planning a wedding while continuing to look for a full-time gig.
30. but i think i'm happier now than i was last year.
31. which is maybe the best thing about this messy year.

snowed in.

so this hardly ever happens. and by hardly ever, i mean i don't recall a time that it snowed this much here. it started thursday night and it hasn't stopped. i just had to shovel the grass so that kolby would poop. he'd been holding it for 26 hours.

needless to say certain holiday plans were canceled. we were supposed to drive to lawrence yesterday to spend christmas with brad's sister and niece and nephew. so we hadn't planned on having any sort of christmas dinner here at our house. this means, we ate leftovers from christmas eve for dinner. mine was a salad with green beans and some smoked salmon on top. not bad. but also not very festive.

oh, and there are birds in our chimney. they moved right on in yesterday after the first 5 or so inches had fallen. and they haven't left. so, we sporadically scream into the fireplace to try to scare them out. so far, no luck.

today i plan to shovel, shovel, shovel for exercise. since everything is either:
1. canceled
or
2. buried in a foot of snow (read: running trails and sidewalks.)

the best thing about being snowed in? being here with B.

the worst thing? we are running out of creamer.

merry christmas eve day.

love brad and jessi. (both writers, hence the typewriter.)

forever.

if you follow me,
i'll let you watch
as i prepare to wash my face
and pick at that spot between my brows
above my nose
and to the right.
i'll let you stand there while i
take out my contacts
and as my eye becomes crossed -
making it look like there are two of you
watching me
as i look in the mirror and when i
remove the black line above my lashes
and then scrub the day
from my cheeks.

daylight.

this is the shortest day of the year. last year, this day felt optimistic. this year, it doesn't.

fresh eyes.

i always see things that aren't really there while i'm running.

from 30 strides away, a leaf looks like a squirrel, especially when it's hoping off the ground in the wind.

from a quarter mile away, a tree stump looks like a dog ready to attack. it's only as a get closer and more rational that i realize it's just the dead end of a tree that once was alive and thriving.

i used to get frustrated at all of these mirages. until today when i realized it's just a form of creativity. i mean, most people might have just seen a leaf. or a tree stump. but not me. not me.

and i am 100-percent standing behind the belief that this does not mean i'm paranoid. just extremely, out-of-the-box creative.

two things.

i have a sinus infection. i've had it since saturday. i just got antibiotics. the doctor looked up my nose and said, "oh. my. gosh. how are you even breathing?" and i said, "i'm not."

in other news, one of the campaigns i worked on was just named on of the top 10 non-tv campaigns of the decade by AdAge.

oh, america.

hi friends.

today, i got these direct mail postcards promoting myself in the mail. that's a mouthful. anywho, it's a campaign B and i put together a while back (he: art director, me: copywriter.) did you know he's amazing at design, too? this man is not just a writer. he's a creative director.

but i digress. so, i got them in the mail. and they look great. and i'm entering them in the addys - deadline friday. so, i rushed to the post office to stick a few in the mail. the line at the post office was
40
people
long.

and there was ONE post office employee.

and the entire place smelled like body odor and farts.

and the woman in front of me was sending several packages to New Zealand. and, i don't know if you know this, but you can't just put "NZ" with the postal code on your package if you are sending something there from the united states. no. you have to spell out the name of the country. because as the woman behind the counter said, "you don't KNOW our employees. they will see NZ on there and they won't know where in the heck it's going. they don't even look at the postal code until it's out of this country."

oh, and you also can't send something insured unless it is being shipped priority mail. the woman ahead of me learned this the hard way when they had to re-do her order four times. it took 10 minutes. all in all, i was there over 30 minutes. to buy 60 44 cent stamps displaying the american flag.

but it's totally going to be worth it when a few of you lucky people get my direct-mail, self-promotional postcard in the next few days. it's a series of 3. so, hang tight for the others.

peace out.

growing up.

i drove down my old street yesterday. the one i grew up on. the one whose sidewalk cracks i memorized. the one i could walk blindfolded.

and i saw an old neighbor in their yard. i remembered her at 29 or 30. when she moved in with her two young girls and a boy in her womb. i remember being 6 and thinking she was beautiful and perfect. as i drove closer, i was, for some reason, shocked that she was a little more hunched over, a lot more gray and that her house had fallen slightly apart. i guess i expected time to have frozen. and for her yard to still butt perfectly up against a driveway with no cracks.

and then i stopped and looked at my hands on the steering wheel. and for the first time, i thought they looked just like my mom's hands - the way i remember them years ago. when i was in the backseat being driven to piano practice or to voice lessons.

and suddenly, out of nowhere, this deep sadness overtook me. i think maybe because i realized that i am now the one moving into the house. my parents are the ones who can, no longer, care for theirs. and this circle of life continues pushing forward and around and back to the place where we started and where it ends and where, for others, it changes form or color. and for me, where it looks so familiar, yet completely different, all at the same time.

so i'm trying to embrace it. but something about it is absolutely shredding my heart.

new music.

my recent downloads:

brooklyn by wakey!wakey!
elijah by the mountain goats
black dirt by sea wolf
every thought a thought of you by mewithout you
goodbye 1! by mewithout you
and
the grey man by copeland


they're all good. if you trust my opinion.

kombucha squash curry.

friday night, i had the best hamburger of my life at 1924 main. but after eating that much beef, i craved a healthier week of eating. so saturday, i purchased tons of organic veggies at whole foods and some garbanzo beans and garlic and roasting essentials and i created kombucha squash curry. and it was amazing.

it went like this:

heat the oven to 400. while it's doing its thing, halve the squash and scrape the seeds. if you're like me and not exactly skilled with a knife, have someone else do it for you. once each half is clean, cut them into wedges, coat the sides in olive oil and cayenne and salt and place on a baking sheet.

put them in the oven and wait for about 20 minutes. flip them. put them back. when the flesh is soft, the squash is done. i think this took about 40 minutes.

then, in large sautee pan, heat olive oil, three minced cloves of garlic, a large jalapeno and half a red onion, diced. add some salt and wait. after about 15 minutes, this mixture is ready for something special - mild red curry paste. add about two tablespoons and some more olive oil. stir.

then take the now-cooled squash and remove the skin. dice the nutty, sweet meat. throw it into the skillet. add a can of diced tomatoes and a can of garbanzo beans. simmer. after about five minutes, it's done. and it's amazing. trust me.

we ate it plain the first night and over orzo the second. i melted some cheddar on my portion both times.

enjoy.

happy 2nd birthday to the little girl who made me an aunt.

truth.

i'm starting to not like how i look in photos. i feel like i look old. old. older than i did 1 year ago. something about me looks rounder, more wrinkled and less defined. but not at all distinguished.

the ones responsible for my birth.

3 workouts in 2 days.

folks, it can be done.

first of all, please know that for dinner last night, i had two huge servings of turkey tetrazzini with extra melted cheese on top. and more chocolate. and some chips, i think.

tonight, i worked until almost 6 and then went directly to the gym where i did 20 minutes on the eliptical and then 25 minutes on the treadmill climber thing at between an 8 and a 15 percent incline. i was walking. but fast walking.

and then i went to small group. and by the time i got home, i was starving.

anyway, all this to say that i am toying with the idea of taking the winter off from running. to give my body a break from it. but um, i have a feeling this won't last.

and on a completely unrelated note, two years ago tomorrow, i became and aunt. and since then, i've learned to love in a completely new way. i am head-over-heels in love with my niece. times a million.

double workout: day 1.

okay, so moments after i wrote the last post, i embarked on my first back-to-back workout.

it consisted of 35 minutes on the eliptical followed by a 1-hour bootcamp, butt-kicking class.

um, can we talk about how much i was shaking as i walked to my car. and when i got home. and as i ate lunch.

i'm trying to health-up my eating, too. so far today, i've had:

1. tiny portion of turkey tetrazzini pre-gym
2. a huge organic salad made with spring herb mix, kale, cauliflower, cheddar cheese and annie's natural goddess dressing.
3. 1 nugget of a milk chocolate toblerone bar

i think i might need to add globs of butter to whatever i have for dinner.

seasonally affected.

i HATE when it stays dark so long in the morning and gets dark so early in the evening (read: afternoon.)

this is mostly because it screws up my workout/running schedule. so here's what i'm spinning in my head. the three days a week i am working at the super-secret agency, i can take those days off OR hit the gym on the way home at night. the other four days a week, i can just double the workout i would have typically done. this way, i can get 6 days of exercise per week in. even if it happens only on 4 days a week.

also, what is wrong with me?