change.

saturday, i turn 30.
30.
i think i had a list of things to do before i turned 30.
i don't know where i put it.
or what was on it.
or what wasn't.
i don't know if it included things like:
have two kids
drive a volvo
have a full-time job
or
complete a full-marathon.
maybe it said:
dye your hair once
be happy for a month straight
adopt a pug
and
learn to knit.
or maybe it was more like:
travel to france
learn italian
and
find the perfect pair of jeans and then buy them in every color.
what it didn't say was:
lose your job
celebrate the big 30 on an unemployed budget
be in love with your best friend
adopt a mutt
accept your body on most days
run another half marathon
live in your favorite neighborhood
remember, again, for the 100th time, again, why God is good.
so i guess it's good i lost the list.
because i wrote it many lives ago
when i was someone else
living someplace else
trapped inside
walls that
suffocated
even me.