they pay to kiss your feet

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know. then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

Friday, October 23, 2009

and then, it creeps back in.

stress. intangible stress is haunting me.

creeping up in the middle of the night when i wake up and realize that i, again, don't have a job to go to in the morning.

hitting me in the back of the head when i call my COBRA representative to find out that the government subsidy only lasts me through december. and that on january 1, my premium jumps to over $300 a month.

slugging me in the stomach when i call the unemployment benefits line and they alert me that by freelancing, i may no longer qualify for any benefits. even if i make as little as $200 a week on my "self-employed ventures."

poking my eyes out when i can't figure out how to make money appear out of thin air.

and then a list of stressful "options" pops in my head:
1. maybe i don't need a car. i could sell it. (who am i kidding, this is not a mas-transit equipped city)
2. i could probably make some money if i sold all of my clothes. but then, i'd have nothing to wear.
3. who needs to run the heat in the winter? not me! (yeah, right.)
4. i could eat only from fast food value menus and save lots of money. (but my heart might end up giving out.)

and with all seriousness, the next thing i want to scream is: WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!

2 Comments:

  • At 6:13 PM, Blogger Donna said…

    I've been in that hole where you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. All I know is, we survived. But looking back, I don't know how we managed to keep our good credit. What got me through was saying, "What's the worst thing that can happen?" OK, we could have lost our home; maybe then we'd qualify for low-income housing. But we'd be alive, we'd have each other, and I was pretty sure we wouldn't starve.

     
  • At 8:00 PM, Blogger Matt said…

    You need this guy in your life:

    http://mattpayton.tumblr.com/post/221221058

     

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