and then, it creeps back in.
creeping up in the middle of the night when i wake up and realize that i, again, don't have a job to go to in the morning.
hitting me in the back of the head when i call my COBRA representative to find out that the government subsidy only lasts me through december. and that on january 1, my premium jumps to over $300 a month.
slugging me in the stomach when i call the unemployment benefits line and they alert me that by freelancing, i may no longer qualify for any benefits. even if i make as little as $200 a week on my "self-employed ventures."
poking my eyes out when i can't figure out how to make money appear out of thin air.
and then a list of stressful "options" pops in my head:
1. maybe i don't need a car. i could sell it. (who am i kidding, this is not a mas-transit equipped city)
2. i could probably make some money if i sold all of my clothes. but then, i'd have nothing to wear.
3. who needs to run the heat in the winter? not me! (yeah, right.)
4. i could eat only from fast food value menus and save lots of money. (but my heart might end up giving out.)
and with all seriousness, the next thing i want to scream is: WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!