to love.

there is a room i remember
in dreams on lucid nights
and during the day
when my mind wanders
to places i used to go.

...drifting to sunnier spots
colored in hues of coral
and eggshell -
carpeted in burnt red;
a choice that never made sense
to my descerning 6-year-old eye.

the furniture didn't match either.
dark couch
old television stand
wooden rocker in the corner draped in
that sky blue afgan grandma made
for the arrival of baby sister.

the sister i prayed for and then
grew jealous of
when the room we shared was too full of teddy bears
and pink
because all i wanted was a "teenager" room -
void of little girl nursery stripes and floral patterns.

oh, if i could have seen past lace pillow shams
and 4-year-old tantrums.
because now, baby sister is my closest friend
and that room with the coral walls
and the television
and the abundance of windows
was beneath the room filled with pastels
and dolls
and barbie houses.

it was neutral ground.
and it's where i learned how to love
and how not to.