they pay to kiss your feet

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know. then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

i shaved my legs for that?

i dressed up for a job interview today. i shouldn't have.

everyone else there was wearing a thick foreign accent and a translator, a sweatsuit or a neon green ill-fitting shirt and bad makeup.

the first thing i was asked was why i did not check the box next to "making copies" as a skill on the questionnaire. the next question was if i knew how to scan documents and "all that fun stuff."

all this for a marketing writing contract temp position?


the woman there told me that i would need to take:
1. a typing test
2. a microsoft word test
3. a proofing test
4. a spelling test

i said, "before i go any further in this process, can you tell me what company this position is with and what i would be doing?"

she shrugged and said, "no, not really, but i can answer "yes" or "no" questions."

i should have left then.

but i stayed and narrowed it down as best i could. it's a brochure company. "and as far as samples go," she said, "just anything you've written is fine, even if it is a story that you never published."

did she not read my resume?

i took the tests anyway. i figured i dressed up, went all the way there, and had gotten past the fact that i was the only one who showered. i had to at least finish with the process, you know?

so i was put in this room. on this terrible computer. with a terrible keyboard. and i began the first test - typing. i had to replicate words, punctuation and spacing from an essay placed by the computer. the essay was about creativity. this was irony at its finest.

then came the microsoft word test. if i used a shortcut it would yell at me in red, angry typography "INCORRECT!!!"


i'm not even going to tell you how the rest went.

then i was done. and she said, "okay, let me go get your scores!!!"

she was disappointed in my words-per-minute score. because of all of the errors. the errors i was making while contemplating getting up and leaving and if that would or would not be rude and if it would burn a bridge. because maybe this woman is connected to anyone who would ever want to hire me for a real job. you know, one where "making copies" isn't on the job description.

i don't know. but now i'm semi-depressed.


  • At 8:51 AM, Blogger Brian said…

    Sucks. Once I showed up for what I assumed was a legitimate job interview wearing a suit and tie and sat in a waiting room filled with people in jeans, men with pony tails and a couple of nascar t-shirts. Turns out it was a pyramid marketing scheme. If I hadn't been so polite I would have walked out. But like a fool, I stuck it out and wasted an hour of my life.

    These things are frustrating, but I'm sure something will turn up for you soon.

  • At 6:17 PM, Blogger Applecart T. said…

    you know, if that was spun a tiny bit differently, it'd be great dark humor. it was pretty funny anyway. OMG, WTF ; ) crazy.


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