they pay to kiss your feet

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know. then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


i've been up. thinking about nothing or everything. reminding myself over and over that i need to make a doctor's appointment, get my cholesterol checked, wash my clothes, organize my closet, find more hobbies. sending myself emails and texts with lists in the middle of the night. lists of things to do. that i must do. and while i'm tossing and turning, it's like i'm fighting with sleep. with every turn of my pillow or pull of the blanket, i'm telling sleep to do what it's f'ing supposed to do. i'm yelling at it. "don't you know, this bed is comfortable? and these pajamas are warm? and the temperature in this room is PERFECT for sleeping. there's a fan on, see? so the noisy neighbors aren't keeping me up. the street is quiet tonight - QUIET. what is your problem, sleep? why won't you just give me some freaking rest?!"

and then it happens. i drift. my body feels lighter. my mind wanders into subconsciousness. and just as i'm about to be really, truly alseep, something moves and i'm awake again. only this time, more awake. i have to get up and go to the bathroom. i need water then. and advil. and well hell, since i'm up, i check my email. i use my back massager, i update my facebook status. i sit. and then, it's 5 a.m. and i only have two more hours of sleep left anyway. and my body says "no." and my mind is tense. really tense. so tense that i have to talk to someone about it. now. so i do.

and it helps. some.

but then as the day goes on. and the tiredness becomes almost too much to bare, everything suddenly seems more complicated and sad and emotional and this ache creeps in. and all i really want to do is take a nap.


  • At 11:55 PM, Blogger Biebs said…

    I too have been a victim of insomnia, but mainly because as soon as i go to bed my mind starts to race, about things that had happened during the day or it will race about thing that happened years ago and how i should have done what i did differently.

    so ill get back up and my mind will quit racing, lay back down mind races again. but lately Ive been able to curve this by reading a book a sci-fi fantasy adventure. it seems to help me keep my mind focused on one thing the story the adventure.

    i still cant go to sleep as early as i like, but I'm at least been getting a few hours here and there. not sure if you have tried reading, but its a suggestion to try it seems to be helping me!

  • At 4:21 AM, Blogger SmedRock said…

    I have had a bit of that lately myself. In my case I think it is a bit of stress over debt and the economy. What if my job went away, I have college loans and a mortgage, etc...

    What I did? Turned off the damn TV for 2 days, and it worked. Go figure.

  • At 1:00 PM, Blogger Sarah said…

    Try sleeping on the couch. For some reason, that always works for me.

  • At 2:40 PM, Blogger Pensive Girl said…

    thanks for the tips. the couch used to work for me, too. i think i'll try that one again.

  • At 2:51 PM, Blogger Faith said…

    My suggestion is to avoid the computer. The stimulation won't help.

    I read before bed just about every night, unless I'm just too damned tired to, in which case I just go to sleep.

    But I've been there with the insomnia. Is been a while, but I've been there. Reading has always been my solution. I figure that if I'm gonna be awake, I might as well enjoy it! Usually, that makes me happy...

    Hope it gets better for you soon, sista. ::hugs::

  • At 3:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    A good night's sleep will cure that!

  • At 3:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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