out with the old?

13 years ago, i was in group therapy for an eating disorder. this means that once a week i'd spend two hours in a room with one therapist and about 10 other teenage (and a few pre-teenage) girls who were either drastically underweight, throwing up every meal or exercise-obsessed.

i fit into the first category - weighing in at a whopping 89ish pounds. i'm five foot, six and a half inches.

the group was sworn to secrecy. if we ever saw each other in public, we weren't allowed to say how we knew each other. i never saw anyone outside of group though, so that never mattered.

until today. 13 years later. at chipotle. i saw her. and she looked as thin as she did before. i wonder if she noticed me. or if she recognized my face filled in with more 'plumping.' i wonder if she watched what i ordered and how much i ate. i wonder if she is still struggling every day just to take a bite of a sandwich or a slurp of soup.

and it's ironic, this thing that happened at lunch. because just this morning i googled the following phrase: how to get rid of my body issues for good.

yeah. irony at its finest.