it was so cold at the chief's game, things got crazy.

five hours outside in 25 degrees equals a sore throat today.

but it was fun.

from here to there.

we are embarking on a journey.

we have no sonogram photo to show. in 9 months, we won't see our facial features looking back up at us. and i'm not going to need to borrow your cute maternity clothes.

but when this journey ends, we will hold our baby.

we just got word that the adoption agency accepted our application. so now, we begin.

filled with joy, we begin.

the journey toward baby.

32.

i turned 32 last week. it was a good day. followed by a really shitty week.

but the flowers b sent me are still going strong on my desk at work. and yesterday, i got a card that eden made for me. she drew the ocean and then spelled her name.

the ocean. it's vast and it's alive. and every day, it kisses the shore. even when the shore sends it right back to where it came from.

the ocean.

up and through.

i've been thinking a lot about courage. and that sometimes being brave means just making it through. i think i always saw bravery as this move of strength and power - this gargantuan effort that would be rewarded with bursts of praise and applause.

but i'm starting to think it's really just about not breaking. it's not letting temporary discomfort become permanent. it's learning when to say no. when to say yes. and when to be okay with imperfection.

it's looking at yourself in the mirror. and not wanting to change a thing.

song obsession of the moment.

cause i can hardly see what's in front of me these days. and those days, too.

cold turkey.

i quit running.

kicked it to the curb.

told it i'd see it never.

said i hoped the door didn't hit it on its way out.

then, i took off my shoes, rolled out my yoga mat and started remember what it felt like to feel good.

seriously, guys. i quit.

for now i'm enjoying power yoga, hot yoga and lots (and lots) of walking.

it's been about a month and already, my body is transforming. my arms are defined again. my posture has improved and my anxiety has decreased.

and, apparently, i sound like an infomercial.

yay!

winter.

it's raining, windy and cold. yesterday, it was 77 degrees. but it's november. it should be winter.

it's getting dark earlier. this weekend, we fall back. and then. the days. continue. to get. shorter.

until the shortest day of the year. which, honestly, is my favorite. because it's full of promise. hope. one. more. minute. of. daylight. until

it's summer
and light until 9
and my mood blooms beside the garden arugula and gerber daisies.