the beginning of week seven of unemployment. sort of perfect that i'd come down with something that resembles the flu. fever, aches, runny nose, sore throat. all around not showering and wanting to cry all the time. full-on PMS plus flu plus depression about current situation. this is not a good mix. it's like, i keep getting dumped on. how's it go. oh, right. failed marriage, chronic pain disorder, some other unmentionable gut-wrench and then, this. no income. and i'm afraid. i spend time building this safety net of comfort. so that if the bottom drops out, i won't completely feel it. like, i'll have somewhere to fall, a cushion to bounce into. but the bottom has dropped out. and the fall isn't exactly cushy. and i honestly don't always know if i'll make it through the day without losing it - tears and sweat and blood. and i'm afraid if one more thing happens, i might just break.