they pay to kiss your feet

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know. then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

in which i beg you not to call ask-a-nurse.

this lesson for you, dear reader, begins last night at dinner. i was getting ready to enjoy leftovers and began with a bite of chicken. it didn't exactly flow through my throat like usual though. instead, it got stuck. but i wasn't choking. not yet, at least. and while my mind began to get a bit restless, i noticed that i could still breathe and took to my next plan of action - chugging liquids.

i started guzzling water. then soda. followed by hot tea. it was all well and good until an hour and a half later when my chest began to feel tight.

at that point, i may have begun to freak out in tiny increments.

after google searching the possibility of something moving from a lower spot in the throat to a higher spot in the windpipe, i came up with nothing. so, i called ask-a-nurse. thankfully the hold music was soothing piano. 20 minutes later, during a moving rendition of beethoven's moonlight sonata, a nurse got on the line and told me to go straight to the ER. she said the piece of food could aspirate to my lungs and that i was at risk for complications. i heard her loud and clear, decided i didn't like the idea of dying, and arrived at the ER check-in 30 minutes later.

that's when the doctor told me that the likelihood of a piece of food aspirating into the lungs of a healthy person like me were slim. "but ask-a-nurse said that's what would happen," i pleaded. almost as if i wanted it to happen. she just shrugged and said it wasn't really possible. i was disappointed that nothing was wrong enough to justify my exorbitantly high co-pay, but i was already wearing a hospital gown, so i let them 'treat' me.

while i watched the JUCO channel teach english as a second language, a nice nurse hooked me up to an IV and gave me some sort of muscle relaxer for my esophagus and a bit of Valium. an hour later, they sent me home.

i'd like to thank ask-a-nurse for sponsoring a fun-filled wednesday night.


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