truth

i met a man at trader joe's last week who was excited to have recognized me from running past me on the trolley trail. i didn't have the heart to tell him i'd just come from yoga.

without saying a word.

when you go to hot yoga every saturday, you start to know people. but you never talk.
you just try to stand still between postures, facing forward, in the mirrored room with sweat dripping in your eye.
you try to breathe through your nose and focus on your gaze.
you try.
but the one guy in the back will simultaneously be losing gallons of water off of his body at once. like a waterfall, it will surge.
so your eyes will avert from your gaze and to the spectacle. and so will hers. and his.
and then, as you're getting ready to gaze back at your third eye or whatever it is you're supposed to stare at,
your eyes will all sort of meet in the in between.
and without saying a word, or moving a muscle, you will all know.
the buckets of sweat guy is grossing everyone out.

lightbulb.

when i was a little girl, my dad would take us to roselle court inside the nelson after a tiring hour or two of straining our necks to look at art.

he'd sit us at a table, leave for a few minutes and reappear with a plate full of lavash crackers and a water for us to share.

i need to ask him, but i think the lavash was free. and nobody charges for water.

next week, i'm going to see a film with a friend and she suggested we have a glass of wine at roselle court first.
that was the first time i realized roselle court was a real place that made actual food. and served actual drinks. not just some magic cracker factory.

i know, i know.

chords.

sometimes, i miss playing the piano so much it hurts.
so i start deconstructing rooms in my head.
"maybe if we just got rid of the dining room table. or what if we enclosed the screened-in. and do we really need a couch in the living room?"

but really, there's no room. not here. not even for an upright.
and even if there was, i don't know what i would do sitting on that bench hovering above the keys. for the first time in almost 15 years.

once-memorized symphonies would probably just torment me.
until i'd settle for something like "heart and soul" before retreating to the couch in defeat.

confession friday

1. i love yoga
2. i hate hot yoga
3. i keep going
4. i think it's helping me in lots of ways
5. i dread it the entire drive there
6. i've never sweat more in my life
7. i bought a mat from lululemon even though i know their company is a little bit unethical
8. it's the best mat i've ever used
9. it has revolutionized my practice
10. the last time i called something a practice, i was talking about piano
11. even though i used to be unable to imagine a day without running, i don't miss it. at all.
12. i especially don't miss it now that it is 12 degrees outside.
13. i do miss my short, short hair though. every day.
14. for some reason, every haircut i get turns into a mullet 4 weeks later.
15. i think i'm almost too old to do the pigtail-bad-hairday trick
16. even though i'm 32, i got the worst zit of my life a month ago.
17. seriously. it was like a huge red cyst. and it never popped.
18. now i just have this ugly scar on my chin.
19. i got it the second week at my new job.
20. so i felt like "that" girl for awhile.
21. the one everyone looks at and feels sorry for because of some huge flaw.
22. i love my new job.
23. even though i know it's ridiculous, i'm a little bit afraid for december 21 2012
24. or is it the 12th?
25. see, that's what popular culture will do to you.
26. and movies
27. and an over-active imagination
28. and not enough faith
29. i think tomorrow at hot yoga, i will try to sweat out that stupid fear.

2012.

sometimes i feel like we create holidays to help us get through winter. i know, historically, this isn't true. jesus was born at christmas. the end of the year is december 31. thanksgiving is for some reason the fourth thursday in november. and even chanukah falls right in the middle of it all. but it helps, this placement. this month plus a week of family gatherings, gift-giving, over-eating and decorating. the lights. the santas. the things to keep us busy.

but then, those of us in colder climates, are faced with three months more of cold. dark. dead branches. brown grass. and snow and ice and skin-burning wind chills. no gifts. no giving. no twinkle lights.

but why not? maybe i'll make 2012 the year that i do more during winter. love more. celebrate more. give more. enjoy more.

yeah, that sounds good.