spilling.

i'm sitting at my desk listening to coldplay's "lovers in japan/reign of love." and i'm spilling. i mean, emotions from deep inside are bubbling to the surface. and i wonder if when people pass by and i smile, little sips of air push through my clenched teeth with phrases written on them like, "see what it feels like now." or "one day i'll work it out." or even "and in the end, the love we take."

and as the song slows into its second phase, this strange calm comes over me. sweeping the spillage back down. inside where no one can see it. where it lives for me to deal with. to pick up and turn over. to examine and dissect. to throw at a wall just to see if it breaks.

"reign of love, by the church we're waiting. reign of love, on our knees go praying."