they pay to kiss your feet

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know. then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

Monday, June 02, 2008

hi. it's me.

i'm the girl who likes her new haircut for one day.
and then hates it.
i'm the one who goes to the pool when she's bloated and wishes it was sweat-suit season.
hi, let me introduce you to me.
i'm messed up.
see, i've been conditioned to compare -- and to decide, always, that i lose.
i'm the one who feels smaller. than her or her or her.
you know, not as funny.
or pretty. or tan. or tall. or thin. or smart.
i'm the one who will never be as witty as i want to be.
and i've never really see my reflection accurately.
because i focus on flaws.
and guess what? i'm insecure.
which is sometimes debilitating. crumpling.
life-sucking.
and it makes me want to
suffocate sometimes ---
because maybe that would be easier
than this life of always trying to be
someone i'm not.
tanner
blonder
smarter
faster
fitter
prettier
funnier
more full of grace
and gumption
and charm and whatever else it is
that i think too much about
on days when i can't seem to swim
out from in front of this distorted mirror.

1 Comments:

  • At 11:42 PM, Blogger Sheri said…

    I am new to your blog, but I have to say, this was the saddest thing I ever read. We - we being all females in the world - feel this way, but I sincerely hope you can adjust your vision to be able to see the beautiful things about you. Like, obviously you are a talented writer.

     

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