though she looks so sad in photographs...

this is the story of a girl
who can't sleep at night if she is alone
who would rather sweat in an 80 degree house than turn on the air
who is drinking a "no fear" sugar-free energy drink
who is worried about the fact that the energy drink contains creatine
who is considering taking up pilates
who is concerned that it won't burn enough calories
who is so tired, she's dizzy
who is so dizzy, she's tipsy
who is at work trying to be creative
who has a headache from the effort it's taking to be creative today
who is worried about a friend
who is afraid she's losing another
who is wondering if the brownish capris and black shirt she has on clash
who is watching a plane take off out the window
who ate a yogurt parfait for lunch
who wishes she ate more
who also wishes she ate less
who is begining to realize how messed up she still is
who knows she hasn't been giving enough away to Him
who wants to know Him more
who wants to sing to Him like she means it
who realizes again why trying to be in control of her life is futile
who needs to hand it over, again
every day
with conviction
and total humility
because while it's too much for her,
He can take it all
and though that doesn't mean life will always be easy and healthy and safe
the eternal promise and the belief in something real
is so worth waiting
for what is to come