Get over your resolutions, I just want to use a freaking treadmill.

Okay, I know I should be encouraging the hoards of people who have flocked to the gym since January 1. I know I should praise them for their motivation and for their initiative and for the way that they care about their health and body and well-being. But instead, it’s really pissing me off because now, I can’t ever get access to a treadmill. I used to tell everyone about my gym, hoping secretly that no one would join, because it was wonderfully empty most of the time. There used to be enough elliptical machines, bikes and treadmills to go around. I never had to wait for a machine. I never had to stalk the runner who looked the most sweaty and exhausted. I never had to pace back and forth and from the water fountain to the cardio room wondering when in the heck it would be my turn to use a piece of equipment. And mostly, I never got annoyed at the “walkers” using the treadmills when there is a perfectly good walking track less than 20 feet away.

I’ll be the first to admit that I have used a treadmill for pure walking. But don’t think that I didn’t feel secretly guilty the entire time. Because, I did. I felt the burning stare from runners as I jauntily walked with vigor. But despite the guilt, I tried not to care, because there was an empty treadmill next to me and if someone really looked like they wanted to run, run, run, I may have even given up my treadmill for them — but only if they looked really desperate and has paced back and forth, stalking me for at least ten minutes.

I’m training for a full marathon and I’d like to run on a treadmill. An elliptical machine is a nice break, but it is not a replacement. I need to run. I need to get shin splints and to work through muscle cramps. I need to feel how exhausted my body gets after four miles and then the burst of energy I get at mile five that sustains me through the next three. So mostly, it’s-a-new-year, it’s-a-new-you resolution people, please, step aside.

Disclaimer: Everyone should have a chance to use the treadmill, and I should have to wait my turn just like all of the other people. But can’t a girl complain about it in a semi-satirical tone just once? I promise, now I’m done.