getting rid of the butt juice

Nick made me do it. Gus has been licking his butt a lot lately, and he has this problem with his anal sacks. Yes, you heard that right, “anal sacks.” They are these little pockets on either side of his butt that fill with greenish brown smelly fluid. When this happens, the sacks inflate to the size of a small grape. Some dogs are able to easily “express” what we fondly like to call “butt juice.” This is not the case with Gus. He’ll lick, he’ll scratch and he’ll drag his butt across the floor and across you, which allows a little tiny squirt of the horribly offensive fluid to leave his swollen sack and to stick wherever it lands — Gus prefers the couch, the comforter and my sweater.

We used to have the vet take care of this for us. But now that Gus is a “big boy,” he doesn’t have to visit the vet as frequently for shots and weigh-ins and the like. So, the vet taught Nick how to help Gussy express his anal glands. After the lesson, the first thing we did was purchase a box of latex gloves. During the summer, we could take care of this outside. I’d hold Gus from the front, and Nick would be behind the dog, searching for the right place to push. The vet taught him to keep his face away, because this stuff can squirt a yard or so. But last night, Nick insisted that we take care of the butt juice in the house. And, although he had done it by himself about a month ago, he claimed he needed an assistant. So, I donned my own pair of latex gloves and poor Gussy was placed in the bathtub. He was scared and Nick wasn’t all that gentle, but sure enough those grape-like sacks were full to the brim. Soon enough, a trail of nastiness covered the bottom of the bathtub. Gus felt better, but I felt like I was going to vomit. I’ll be the first to admit that my gag reflex is out of control, and this was just about more than I could handle.

Moral of the story? Don’t take a bath in my bathtub until you are certain it has been thoroughly sterilized.