Notes to self

Don’t take eyes off mixing bowl while searching for a rubber spatula to help coax brownie mix into the baking dish while holding mixing bowl upside down — especially near white cabinets.

Do buy Werther’s Original caramel coffee swirls often.

Don’t attempt to cut stylish, edgy bangs with sewing scissors.

Do drive with windows down and sunroof open at all times despite the humidity.

Don’t wear sandals that showcase blood blister formed from too many miles of running without covering it with a Band-Aid.

Don’t use self tanners that look fake, instead, fool the world with Jergen’s self tanner for light skin tones. Don’t put it on your face.

When signing up for ProActive Solution, don’t accidentally join the “club,” which automatically sends new product every two months, charging the debt to your bank account.

Don’t sign up for ProAcitve Solution unless you really have an acne problem. For a few occasional breakouts, it’s not worth it no matter what P. Diddy and Jessica Simpson say.

Windsor Palates won’t really make your muscles long and lean because we can’t alter the length of our muscles. Daisy Fuentes has long and lean muscles because she’s 5’11’’.

Stop watching infomercials because you don’t really want that dehydrator. Bacon tastes much better bought at the grocery store.

Eating ½ pound of bacon at a time isn’t a good idea no matter how good it tastes.

Peanut Butter straight out of the jar still has lots of fat and calories, even if you eat it while standing up, which usually doesn’t count.

Do pin cute, sassy bangs to the side while running to avoid painful forehead pimples.

Research someone else’s statement or opinion before sharing it as your own well-researched theory only to have to pull your foot out of your mouth later when you realize that opinion was built on false, unsubstantiated claims. Whoops.