they pay to kiss your feet

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know. then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

Monday, January 11, 2010

the d word.

i'm getting married soon. i'm happy, healed and feeling whole again. which is why this is the perfect time to write about the d word. divorce.

no, not details about mine. (although there are many.) not my view on if it is biblical or righteous. (although, i have one.) i will give you no juice, no gossip and no "inside story." but i will give you something. a guide on how to behave when someone you know is going through a divorce.

alright, this is going to be an easy lesson.

acknowledge that it's happening.

that's about it. don't pretend it's not there.

don't just stop talking about the ex spouse as if they never existed.

don't judge the person going through the breakup of a marriage without knowing the entire story.

don't believe just one side.

ask questions.

offer support.

realize that going through divorce is, often, worse than going through the death of a spouse. so help the person morn the loss of a relationship that, at one time, they thought would last forever.

hold their hand.

cook for them.

buy them a drink.

see if they want to go running.

be there for them.

because if you assume someone else is being their rock, you're probably wrong.

just be the friend you always were.

see, i''ve been there. at the rock bottom of rock bottom. and i am still working on forgiving so many of the people in my life who didn't know how to behave while i was there, curled up in a ball of anxiety and unknowns.

i'm working to forgive people who thought i made the "easy choice."

divorce is not an easy choice.

in fact, in my opinion, there are many situations in which it IS a wrong choice.

but regardless of my opinion, it's a choice nonetheless. and if someone you know is leaning that way, going through those pains, hug them. tell them you love them for who they are. and that they will be okay. because they will be.

because i am.


  • At 11:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    nicely done.

  • At 12:18 PM, Blogger Erin said…


  • At 4:59 PM, Blogger Kat said…

    Having just had a family member go through this in the past 8 months, I can say with assurance that you're spot-on.


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