they pay to kiss your feet

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know. then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

Friday, September 11, 2009

things you notice due to unemployment #6,897

being unemployed means i do things at odd hours. i might go grocery shopping at 1:00 p.m. on a monday. or, maybe, i'll stock up on toilet paper at costco a 10:30 in the morning on a thursday. this is also, apparently, when hoodlums, would-be criminals and down-on-their-luck desperadoes shop, knock on doors and more.

see, this week, i witnessed near-crime three times. and i'm still alive so i figure that's a good sign. here's how it all happened:

i went to costco last sunday to buy some salmon and a big bag of potato chips. when i was leaving, the couple in front of me didn't have their receipt. just a lot of bread wrapped in foil that they had purchased from the "cafe" part of the store. the receipt police said they could "go on through." but then, they notice the woman was carrying two jars of instant coffee under her armpit. the couple played dumb. the woman looked wide-eyed and innocent. they had to go back and pay.

the next day, i was buying some turkey and cheese at the brookside market. i walked by one aisle and saw what i thought was a guy stuffing aluminum foil down his jeans. i looked again. this time, it was a box of zip-loc bags. he saw me catch him. he looked dangerous. and i figured, if he was stealing aluminum foil, he must really need it. i also didn't want to get beat up, so i didn't tell on him.

two days later, i was at home "working" in the office when i heard a faint knock on the door. i went to the door and yelled through it, "i'm busy." the gentleman who had knocked said, "um, yeah, uh do you know someone named marcus?" i said "no." and he walked through the yard to the street where a car drove up and picked him up. shady? yes. so i called the police. they were on it within minutes. the assumption is if i hadn't answered the door, they would have broken it down and robbed us.

so, i've been sitting around since then with a can of bear mace and 911 on redial.

and don't even get me started about showering. if they knocked on the door while i was in the shower, i'd never hear them. good thing bear mace can blind someone in seconds. it's also a good thing that being unemployed means fewer showers. not only does this save money on things like organic shampoo, but now it could also save my life.


  • At 1:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    yes, daytime while everyone else is at work is just as creepy or even creepier than typical nighttime robberies...some random in a flannel shirt banged on my door & rang the doorbell 3 x's the other day (even though we have a sign that says "do not ring door bell, knock quietly") obviously he couldn't read...he never came back, never left a flyer in the door, nothin'...weird stuff...

  • At 6:15 PM, Blogger Applecart T. said…

    sometimes they knock to see if you're dumb enough to open the door.

    the guy stealing storage items (since you said he looked "dangerous") might have been too cheap to cut into his drug-sales profit (can't deduct supplies like freelancers can).

    it seems some folks i know in design have done o.k. solo for a while. you might need a freelancey mentor or something.

    we've had people knock on the door at night and try to ask stupid things like "i want to talk, i'm your neighbor" or "i'm a minister and i've just come from x, etc." whatever! mace, guns, knives, etc. it's all good on the protection front. wish people weren't so greedy. just because it LOOKS like we have things (it's all so tenuous and on loan!), doesn't mean you can come and steal from me. : (


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