they pay to kiss your feet

since there's no one else around, we let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know. then our skin gets thicker from living out in the snow.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


i feel like a Polaroid that got wet and turned sepia tones.

that's right, i'm somewhere on the color spectrum between brown and yellowy-beige. or at least, my emotions are.

in short: i feel like poop.

there's the fact that my throat hurts today. so that's poopish. and then there's the part about how i'm um, nearing seven months of unemployment - that's the part that's a steaming pile of crap. no, really. it is.

and the part that's the real bummer is that people are still losing their jobs. in my industry. i just heard about a creative director who got laid off this week. a media planner friend of mine lost her job a few weeks ago. account managers - gone. art directors, bu-bye. this economy is sorta like having the butt flu. it blows.

and i'm wrestling with some things. i was at a former co-worker's birthday party a few weeks ago. i arrived late and people had, aparently, been partaking in the keg since late afternoon. when i walked in several people made faces as if to say, "i can't believe SHE showed up." and then an old co-worker accidentally walked into the room that i was in. i was the only one in there. so he made small talk. "where are you now, jessi." i sorta laughed and said, "at home, looking for jobs." and all, ALL that he could say to me was, "that sucks." and then, he turned around and walked out of the room. really? REALLY!

if i seem angry about it, this is because i am. i remember when i still had a job and people would send me their resume, ask me to connect them to my network of people. maybe they'd want an "in" at my compay. so, i'd oblidge, but sometimes not in a speedy manner. and now i see the tables have turned. and i want people to oblidge. and i don't want pitty but i want people to CARE. to really care and see the situation for what it is.

and if i could have, i would have climbed onto a soapbox at that party and said, "don't get too comfortable where you are. always try to be the best you can be. bring more to the table than is asked of you. try harder than you tried yesterday. appreciate the fact that you have a job. do not burn bridges. realize kansas city is a small town and if you plan to stay here for your career, make friends, not enemies. but mostly, be good people. because your talent will only get you so far."

but instead, i left early... feeling like poo.


  • At 5:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I hope you find a job soon but you are so glum! You are perpetually whining about something. Maybe that is part of the reason you're not getting hired.

  • At 10:00 AM, Anonymous Shane said…

    Hey. Anonymous commenter. STFU.

    Jessi, I understand your plight. When I went through the same thing at the beginning of the year, I experienced some of the same feelings toward the end, right before I got hired at Cerner. It turned out to be even better than I thought it would be. The right job will come along for you, I am certain of it.

    Keep the faith.

  • At 12:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hang in there.
    Screw Anonymous.
    Looking forward to our walk.

    You know who :)

  • At 1:50 PM, Blogger May said…

    7 months is a long time. I would be a wreck. You have all my best wishes!

  • At 3:15 PM, Blogger Faith said…

    I'm with the last 3 commenters. I'm thinking of you, and I hope something comes your way soon! ::hugs::

  • At 5:36 PM, Anonymous Megan R. said…

    I don't understand why someone would post an anonymous comment like that...I mean, this is your blog and you can write whatever you want, right? Maybe I'm way out of line here, but isn't this a place for you to express how you're feeling? If anonymous he/she finds you so glum and whiny then why are they wasting their time reading it? I enjoy what you have to say!

  • At 7:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Megan is so correct! Well, sorta: this is her blog, and I can write whatever I want too.

    Listen, sugar, flip burgers. A liberal arts degree is good for sopping up french fry grease. You know that now. I know it's tough to be judged expendable, but if your skills are a dime a dozen that's how it goes sometimes.

  • At 8:39 PM, Blogger PlazaJen said…

    Time to screen your comments, or at least not allow cowardly bullshit ones.

    I understand the sepia tinge, and am appreciative of the perspective you've given me - no, it's not always sunshine and roses, and even though everyone is declaring the recession over, it's still got a ways to go before 'normal' gets to feel like it moved back in.

    Looking forward to coffee. And make this a troll-free zone.

  • At 8:40 PM, Blogger Pensive Girl said…

    hi. thanks for all of your support guys:)

    and to you , anon, i have a journalism degree from one of the best journalism schools in the nation. in fact, when i graduated, it was the in the top two.

    someone else can take care of the french fry grease. i'm going to do better than that, thanks.

  • At 9:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It's so obvious how talented you are. I was turned on to your blog by TonysKC and really, you and he are the only blogs I keep up with. It's understandable how you feel and most of us appreciate reading your raw, honest, perceptive comments on life. These days will soon pass and you will be happy in a wonderful job again...until then, keep writing for those of us who enjoy reading your stuff.

  • At 9:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Have you checked the government websites? Lot of agencies are hiring right now.


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