overexposed.

i feel like a Polaroid that got wet and turned sepia tones.

that's right, i'm somewhere on the color spectrum between brown and yellowy-beige. or at least, my emotions are.

in short: i feel like poop.

there's the fact that my throat hurts today. so that's poopish. and then there's the part about how i'm um, nearing seven months of unemployment - that's the part that's a steaming pile of crap. no, really. it is.

and the part that's the real bummer is that people are still losing their jobs. in my industry. i just heard about a creative director who got laid off this week. a media planner friend of mine lost her job a few weeks ago. account managers - gone. art directors, bu-bye. this economy is sorta like having the butt flu. it blows.

and i'm wrestling with some things. i was at a former co-worker's birthday party a few weeks ago. i arrived late and people had, aparently, been partaking in the keg since late afternoon. when i walked in several people made faces as if to say, "i can't believe SHE showed up." and then an old co-worker accidentally walked into the room that i was in. i was the only one in there. so he made small talk. "where are you now, jessi." i sorta laughed and said, "at home, looking for jobs." and all, ALL that he could say to me was, "that sucks." and then, he turned around and walked out of the room. really? REALLY!

if i seem angry about it, this is because i am. i remember when i still had a job and people would send me their resume, ask me to connect them to my network of people. maybe they'd want an "in" at my compay. so, i'd oblidge, but sometimes not in a speedy manner. and now i see the tables have turned. and i want people to oblidge. and i don't want pitty but i want people to CARE. to really care and see the situation for what it is.

and if i could have, i would have climbed onto a soapbox at that party and said, "don't get too comfortable where you are. always try to be the best you can be. bring more to the table than is asked of you. try harder than you tried yesterday. appreciate the fact that you have a job. do not burn bridges. realize kansas city is a small town and if you plan to stay here for your career, make friends, not enemies. but mostly, be good people. because your talent will only get you so far."

but instead, i left early... feeling like poo.