the glass house project (entry 10)

entry no. 10 (hello.)

this heat
is stifling.
it’s death and mourning
and this constant sticky feeling
is beginning to weigh me down —
tying me to things like
doubt
and fear
and pain
and wondering why i don’t feel like other people
or why you’ve never spoken to me —

see, i know you can.
so maybe the problem is that
i just don’t know how to listen.
but, I’m thinking about you more
like before fish tacos
and in the car on the way to the gym
and when I’m falling asleep
and in the shower

can you hear me?
because i’m trying to talk to you
and i want to feel you pursue me again —
you and your unending love
and grace
and the perfection
of your plan
that i sometimes
want to rewrite
because i’m selfish
and think i know the best way to do this thing
that starts every day
with the simple act
of breathing.